Effort
what does effort mean anymore?If you would ask most people about their ideal relationship with a love they would probably mention how easy it would be, how effortless things would just mesh. I wonder why this is. Why do people seem to want things that are effortless? Do not misunderstand me I can see the appeal of easy in many aspects in life. Most people really would not want to have everything be hard. However doesn't effort mean something when it comes to relationships? Isn't a good relationship worth the effort?
I understand we all have our limits. We have our breaking points. There comes a time when one can give so much effort and loose themselves in the process. I am sure I did that. I am sure I gave up in ways as well. I would be the first person to tell you I am not perfect. I have never claimed to be or tried to be perfect. Somehow being a "nice guy" lends itself to people thinking that I have come to understand. I am not sure why that is. How does nice become perfection? How does simple effort become pressure?
I am reminded of a Christmas exchange I participated in at a place I worked once. You know the standard secret Santa game. You are given someone's name that you are to give little gifts to during the week and they do not know who it is. In this scenerio I received a coworker's name that happened to sit just on the other side of the cubicle wall from me. It happened that we were given a suggestion list of three items or themes or areas to give our secret Santa a hint of what would be likable gifts. Well I had heard my coworker talking about her list as she filled it out so I actually ended up with more information than just a list.
Armed with this and some simple observations of what she had sitting on her desk I was able to pick out simple inexpensive yet very appropriate items for the secret Santa week. Each day Monday through Thursday I enjoyed hearing her talk to our coworkers who sat next to her about how cool it was her secret Santa had picked out the perfect little gift. She was baffled at how her Santa picked out not only nail polish from her list but the exact brand she loved and a perfect color.
On Friday we all exchanged final gifts (valued at less than ten dollars) and revealed who we were. On her list was cookies. For the final gift I simply gave her a basket that had a snack pack of oreos, a pilsbury frozen roll of chocolate chip cookies, a couple of plastic cookie cutters, ten cookie recipes printed from the internet and a small little cookie monster doll. My total price was just a few cents over ten dollars.
She was, as were most of our department, surprised that I was her secret Santa. I guess since they were mostly women they didn't imagine a man simply paying attention. Knowing my gender I do not fault them for this too much. This coworker at the end of our little Christmas party came up to me and simply said thank you for making it a good week.
See I knew life was hard for her. Why, because she talked about her life to us as coworkers will do. She was a single mom out on her own for the first time and trying to do well at this new job to support her and her sick son. It was easy to tell how much her son meant to her. Several pictures of him were on her desk and computer. You could hear her love and devotion for him in her voice. I knew she must be sacrificing, willingly, a time when most young people are all focused on themselves for the love of her son. I imagine those simple little gifts that were for her was a nice reminder that she deserved a little in return.
Her thanking me was easily worth the effort I put into secret Santa. I just read her list. Happened to overhear her thinking as she was filling it out what she might get. I noticed the brand name on the nail polish sitting on her desk. I saw that her son was holding an Elmo doll in one of her many pictures, plus what little kid just doesnt love Sesame Street, right?
Why will that little bit of just paying attention to someone besides oneself make people feel scared? Why did she seem to not only understand but appreciate my effort when others do not? Maybe it was the context of the secret Santa game that gave it credibility. Maybe the fact that other than that week her and I were never more than coworkers. We never became friends. I am not sure why, it just didn't happen. I didn't try to become one or not become one. For that week though I turned out to be a pretty good secret Santa, because of my effort.
I like giving effort. To me people are worth it. That is probably a naive sentiment but it is who I am. I will as far as I can tell always be a "nice guy". I will not regret being so, just feel sad that more and more it seems I do not know the people who understand and not fear it.
I hope that isn't whining even though it quite possibly is.
posted by Will @ 8:53 PM
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